you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
