So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
