remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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