she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
