The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
