Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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