there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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