I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
