I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh god it's open bar.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
