I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
