I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
