I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
