im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
