How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
