I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
