i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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