She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
sarcasm needs its own font
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
