I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
