I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
