Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
