how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
