she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
