You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
