So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
