I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
