Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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