I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
