I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
