Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
