I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
