It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Damn victory sex feels great
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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