Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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