so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
