Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
