We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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