Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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