I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
May the power of my ass compel you!!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
