So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
