Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
