does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
