Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
