I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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