I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
