Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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