if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
