after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
