ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
