I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
