He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
