Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
