I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
