I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
