Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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