And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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